Tagalog Jokes

TENACIOUS - I went to "The Athlete's Foot" yesterday to buy a pair of tenacious.

CONTEMPLATE - I went to a party last night. There was so much food pero co-contemplate.

CURTAIN and KITCHEN - Aray! Huwag mo kong curtain. Masa-kitchen.

PUNCTUATION - Daddy, pasukan na next week. Kailangan ko ng punctuation.

GUAVA - I just had a haircut. Masa-guava?

DEDUCT, DEFEAT, and DETAIL - Deduct jumped over defense but detail landed before defeat.

DEPOSIT - Paki-check nga ang banyo. I think deposit is leaking.

ICE BUKO - Nagpagupit ako kanina, tingnan mo nga, ice buko?

PERSUADING - Kiko and Kikay got married on June 1, 1992. So last June 1, 1993, they are going to celebrate their persuading anniversary.

Sira Ulo

Sira-ulo #1: "Kaya mo bang tumawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?"
Sira-ulo #2: "Ayoko nga, ano ako, sira? e paano kung pinatay mo ang ilaw, e di mahulog pa ako. Wa-is ito, hehehe"

Help Wanted

Matagal nang naghahanap ng trabaho yung bagong saltang Pinoy. Nakakita siya ng posibilidad sa "Help Wanted" section ng Classified Ads. "Wanted - Painter of Porch". Aba!, sabi nung Pinoy sa sarili... OK ito! Sa Pilipinas, e marami na akong pininta; yung libingan ng lolo ko, yung pader ng lumang bahay namin, yung kulungan ng mga baboy ng tiyo ko - pwede palagay ko ako rito!
In-explain nung Kano na nangangailangan ng pintor: "I need to have my porch painted, all in one day. The work involves scraping all the paint up to the bare surface, applying a coat of primer and two final coats of orange paint. Can you do this?"

Sagot nung Pinoy nung ininterbyu siya ng Kano... "Sir, yes sir. I can kaskas... I mean, remoob paint en apply paint beri well."

"Okay!", sabi nung Kano. "You've got the job! Everything you'll need has been unloaded from the trunk of the car."

Tatlong oras pa lang, narinig na nung Kano na kumakatok yung Pinoy sa pinto niya. "Sir... Pinis oreydi".

"Wow!" sabi nung Kano. "You finished the job in three hours. Are you sure you scraped the old paint to the bare surface?"

"Sir, yes sir. I tanggalated all the old paint." sagot nung Pinoy.

"Then, you deserve a bonus! Here's another 20 bucks." sabi nung Kano.

"Sir, tenkyu sir." wika nung Pinoy. "Pero sir, you don't heb a porch...your car is a BMW..."